I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
