So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i've created a new STD.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
