You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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