I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
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Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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