I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
