my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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