something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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