In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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