Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
