OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
