a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
