Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
