Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
