No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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