So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
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be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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