So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
