Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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