so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
