Duck Duck Cougar?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
