Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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