The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
