I heard we made out
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize