Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Ketchup is God's man juice
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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