I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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