I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
