none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
