but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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