i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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