Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
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Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize