Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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