Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
