even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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