She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
