it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i dont even know how to be here
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
