Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
