According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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