The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
