Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
