so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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