remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
