ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
