Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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