he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
