Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
