my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
