just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
