he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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