just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
