I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
