You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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