my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
