Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
the raccoons are back...
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