So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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