I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
