the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
