I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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