bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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