im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
