is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
