Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
