I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
