Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
