If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dignity is for republicans.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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