it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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